How's the water?

I'd always heard that baking bread was a messy, difficult and time consuming process. Naturally I decided to try baking bread. I found a recipe for a very simple loaf of white bread. The recipe seemed disappointingly straightforward and easy. It called for flour, crisco, eggs, water, yeast and sugar. There were no exotic ingredients or tricky steps to master.

Fortunately the recipe included instructions for the yeast and even explained that the water must be hot enough to activate the yeast but not so hot that it killed the yeast. The temperature range that this recipe listed was 105 to 115 degrees. This seemed to be a very narrow temperature range, requiring something more precise than "touch the water and guess".

My mother never made candy nor did she actually bake very often, but I thought she had a thermometer that she used for roasts. I dug through the kitchen but couldn't find it. So I trotted down to the drug store and bought a thermometer.

Once I'd returned home, I examined the thermometer. It had been made to measure the temperature of people, therefore it's upper range wasn't much higher than 106. Ok...I didn't know what would happen if the water temperature was higher than the thermometer's range. I imagined that the glass would shatter and mercury would fly everywhere, which would be hard to explain to my mother.

Nervously, I turned on the hot water faucet and measured a cup of water. I cautiously stuck the thermometer into the water. The temperature rose to 106 and stopped. Relieved, I removed the thermometer, wiped it off and continued with the bread making process.

While the bread was rising, I took the thermometer and hid it in my bedroom. I didn't want the next sick person to use it and get it germy - after all I might want to make bread again in the future.

The bread turned out really well. It rose beautifully, made the house smell wonderful and tasted really yummy. Since this attempt was so successful, I made bread at other times. Eventually I became tired of using the thermometer and started just sticking a finger in the water. Although I can't say what the exact temperature of water is, I can determine whether or not the water will activate yeast.

Years later I told my mother this story. After she stopped laughing, she informed me that I should have bought a cooking thermometer.

Fold does not mean stir

When reading recipes it's important not to make assumptions about the instructions. If a term isn't clear it's always a good idea to stop and ask the advice of an experienced cook. Otherwise you might wind up with a tasty but very flat cake.

Normally I would have made a chocolate cake but I wanted my mom to be able to enjoy the cake as well. She doesn't like chocolate. She does like fruit. I settled on some sort of pear spice cake. The recipe seemed pretty straightforward. Mix spices and flour, chop pears, etc. No problem...

The recipe called for egg whites that were at room temperature. I was then to beat the egg whites until stiff peaks formed. The egg peaks would then be folded into the rest of the batter.

My cooking experiences had been quite limited. I didn't know what it meant to fold something into a batter. The recipe didn't explain the technique. I paused for about five seconds.

Now this is the point where a wiser person would have sought help. Unfortunately if I could provide my own answer to a dilemna in a relatively short amount of time, I was certain that I didn't need help. I never even dreamed of asking for help. I KNEW what I was doing. Fold must be synonymous with stir in the cooking world!

It's not. The cake turned out to be about an inch tall. My sister made fun of the cake but also devoured half of it. My mother, after I explained how I had "folded" the egg whites into the cake, gently explained where I'd gone wrong. At least the cake tasted good.

My cooking education

My mother often laments that I never learned any of her cooking secrets because I never had any interest in the kitchen as a young child. She also comments on my stubborn refusal to ask for help. When I was in junior high I became interested in cooking dinner for the family. I was convinced that I could cook a full gourmet meal, not just a regular dinner. Desire to cook, zero cooking knowledge, and a strong "I can do this myself" attitude create a bad combination.

I had the opinion that since I could read, I could cook. After all, cooking is just follwing a set of instructions. Any literate person can do that. Or so I thought...

As you've probably guessed, I've had some rather interesting cooking experiences and results. Not all of the experiences resulted in complete failure. For example, I baked a cake that was extremely tasty. Unfortunately it was also about one inch tall.

Somehow I've managed not to burn the kitchen, burn myself, or poison anyone. Instead I now have several stories about my cooking experiences. So read, laugh and shake your head. If you know me in real life, then you probably aren't going to be too surprised by a few of the stories.